One of my favourite sayings is, “Remember, whatever you’re not changing, you’re choosing.” I often use this line whenever I notice someone complaining about a repairable situation but not doing anything about it. I also remind myself of it whenever I feel stuck in a frustrating, ongoing situation.

It’s a hard line to hear. The moment I think of it, I can almost hear the “But, but, but…” bubbling up inside me.

The truth is, we don’t want to settle, but sometimes we like it when we don’t have to do the changing. When the ball isn’t in our court. If we don’t know what to do or don’t want the responsibility, it’s easier to imagine it sitting in someone else’s hands. Until, of course, they leave it lying there. It was, after all, never their problem… And then nothing changes.

That’s, for example, what happens when you put your weight loss entirely on a dietitian or group leader, or your happiness on your partner. Then, when results don’t come, we can pull the wool over our eyes and say that it’s not due to our own lack of doing something.

My struggle with sleep this year feels like it’s touching on this theme. As much as I’ve tried to figure it out, I’ve wanted to hit the ball into someone else’s court and hope they’d solve it for me. But that hasn’t happened. At the moment, I don’t think there is anyone who can help… So here I am, staring at the ball on the ground. And it’s tempting to leave it there and say, “I don’t know what to do anymore; hopefully it will resolve itself.”

Then last week, when a friend stopped by briefly and I sent a quick thank-you message afterwards, the reply came back: “Missing you.”

What surprised me wasn’t the words, but the thought that rose in me: “Yes, I miss myself too.”

I miss the version of me who woke up refreshed. Who had enough energy for runs, for work, for family — and even a little left over. Who didn’t have to plan downtime into every single day just to cope.

My energy is so precious. But it feels like water in my hands, running out too quickly.

Do I miss myself enough to pick up that ball again? Yes, I do. I don’t know exactly how I’ll play it, but I know I have to.

Which balls have you left lying there, waiting to be picked up again?