Last week, my daughter got a hairband stuck in her hair.

Not just tangled — properly stuck.

I tried pulling gently. I tried working it loose with my fingers. I tried approaching it from different angles. Nothing worked.

Frustrated, she suggested we cut it out.

I was stunned. She is fiercely proud of her long blonde hair, protective of it even. The last person I expected to suggest cutting it was her.

But seeing no other solution, I carefully isolated the section where the hairband was trapped and began snipping away at a strand of hair — when she suddenly exclaimed:

“Not my hair, Mum! Cut the hairband!”

I froze.

Of course. What an idiot I was. Why was I cutting the hair?

The hair was precious. The hairband was the problem. Cheap, replaceable, disposable.

One dramatic cut later, the hairband slid free. She grabbed a comb and detangling spray, worked through the knot, and within minutes her hair was smooth again. For her, it was over. For me, it was a lesson I couldn’t stop thinking about.

How often do I assume that getting out of a tangle means sacrificing something valuable? How often do I cut away the thing I care about, instead of the obstacle wrapped around it?

The expectation. The obligation. The fear. The belief that things must be done a certain way. The goal? The disposable hairband masquerading as something essential.

What struck me most was how obvious the solution was to her. She never saw her hair as the thing to lose. She saw the hairband for what it was: the problem.

And yet, removing the hairband didn’t instantly fix everything. She still had to sit down, comb through the mess, and work it out.

That’s another lesson. Removing the obstacle doesn’t immediately erase the knot. The healing still has to happen. The conversations still need to be had. The habits still need to change. The grief still needs to be processed. The work still needs to be done.

But once the obstacle is gone, progress is possible. Space opens up. We can breathe. We can heal. We can untangle ourselves without sacrificing what matters most.

The knot may remain — but at least we’re no longer tightening it.

So maybe the question to ask is:

Am I cutting hair, or hairbands?