Last week, I was challenged about the reason behind my consistency when my running partner admitted he hated running 1600m intervals.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I can’t hit the pace set on TrainingPeaks.”

“But then run them at the best pace you can manage.”

“Yes, I can do that… but then I won’t get a green tick.”

“So? Why do you always have to get a green tick?”

“I guess for the same reason you can’t skip a workout.”

I laughed. What would I do without straight-shooting friends?

“Ah, but see — I have a history with obesity. I always fear that if I miss one workout, it’ll turn into two… then three… before I know it, I won’t be running at all.”

When Tamryn took my latest portrait photos earlier this year — the ones I’ve loved using for my recent newsletters — one of her questions during the session was, “What’s your definition of freedom?”
A difficult question.
I didn’t have an answer for her then.

But now, months later, and reflecting on my conversation last week, I wonder: does freedom not perhaps mean not being afraid?

It sounds neat and noble, but what does that say about my need to be consistent? Does it mean I’m not free?

Then I came across this:

“Fear is information about what matters to you.
If it didn’t matter, you wouldn’t be afraid.”

And I thought: Yes, how beautiful. I want things in my life that matter to me.

See, there’s a big difference between:

“I’m afraid of going back to where I was, so I keep showing up with intention,”
and
“I’m afraid of going back to where I was, so I never give myself permission to rest.”

The one honours my growth.
The other holds me hostage.

Perhaps freedom isn’t fearlessness. Perhaps freedom is living a life rooted in trust — in others AND yourself.

What’s your fear trying to tell you? Are you listening with kindness or obsession?