Blog

We all have a threshold of stuff that we can handle. Most of the time I will manage okay-ish with a 5:30 am track session, but throw in an evening of poor sleep, not feeling well and some pain in my shins, and suddenly my 5:30 am track session becomes unmanageable and I quit it prematurely. Similarly, none of us can keep going all the time. If we keep on pushing through day in and day out, our threshold of stuff we can handle will lower. Eventually, the slightest tiniest niggle is going to send us tumbling into a pit of despair. Which is why we should rest and plan for it. ...

There is a place called “I’ve tried everything, nothing works, I might as well stop trying…” We all visit that place now and then. I feel that people sometimes mail me about this place hoping I’ll say “It’s okay. I can see you’ve tried everything. You can stop trying now.” Of course, l won’t do that… Recently I’ve found myself there. Yes, I also visit it - unfortunately. I mean it when I say I work hard at becoming a better runner. I work incredibly hard! But despite trying my best, I don’t get the results I feel I deserve. None of my workouts is ever executed exactly like my coach wants them executed, and that makes me feel like I am constantly failing. One day I frustratedly exclaimed: “What is the point of being consistent when I am consistently wrong?” ...

Currently, I am training hard for Cape Town Marathon in October. My weekly mileage is about 45 - 50 km and most mornings I am out on the road or track running in the dark and cold. I am enjoying all the beautiful moonscapes and sunrises, but cannot wait for brighter mornings and warmer days. In both my books I ended the Acknowledgement chapter with a message to my husband. This was the section in “My First Marathon Training”: ...

When I stood at the start of the 2022 Cape Town Marathon, it felt to me as if everything that I had done since 7 February 2017 - rejoining Weigh-less, starting to run, losing 80kg, going for therapy, writing a book, joining a running club, working with a coach - had all accumulated to one single point in time. And when I crossed the finish line of the 2022 Cape Town Marathon, I realised that every now and then hard work is rewarded.

“Tell me at what point we will start running again.” It was my first time running ten kilometres with Coach Michelle, of which the first three kilometres were basically all uphill. I had just asked for a walking break when she asked the aforementioned question. I must’ve frowned at her in response… “We cannot walk indefinitely. Commit to a point where we will start running again.” I cannot recall which point I picked, and later on, she started picking points for me ‘cause I was obviously too indecisive - or too tired. But afterwards, this concept of committing to start running again was a take-home for me from that first ten kilometres of running with Michelle. ...

An observation from my run with Michelle on Friday was that I don’t push myself nearly hard enough. There were many times during that run I desperately wanted to run slower. And I would’ve… if it wasn’t for Michelle’s persistent pushing. I shared this observation with Michelle. She said: “You need to learn to push yourself. It comes from your intrinsic motivation which you need to get in touch with.” ...

I didn’t come to write, I believe, in the same fashion other authors did. I’ve never attended literature school - although I love languages and have always enjoyed reading. When I started therapy, the first in-depth discussion point between myself and my therapist was the relationship between my sister, who committed suicide, and me. My therapist wanted me to imagine myself going to heaven and fighting out all my issues with her. “Get rid of the anger,” he said. ...

When we watch the ending of a movie or read the final chapter of a book, it is easy to assume that the rest of the story will continue that way: “And they lived happily ever after…” But real life doesn’t work that way - we can arrive but not stay forever. Yet, that seems to be the expectation and, I believe, a lie we tell ourselves. Yes, we get to end projects - and the world can certainly do with more people completing what they’ve started - but what happens after the end is more important - and perhaps the more difficult journey. ...

Edna’s interview with me. We talk about my book, Eighty kilos of Shame, specifically two chapters that resonated with Edna. She didn’t tell me beforehand which two chapters, which made the interview very interesting…